There were other things at play. I had not trained like I should and so the self-doubt was huge. Anytime I race I feel nervous but this time was different. This time I was doing a race that I knew I was not ready for. Nerves and stress can play a huge role in diabetes. For me this was a recipe for fail. The night before we were running around doing things and I didn't eat like I should. I went to bed early knowing I had to get up at 3AM. I woke up at 11:30 with a blood sugar of 28. This might not mean much to some people but a normal blood sugar is between 80 and 120. At 30 and below you can pass out and much worse. That is exactly how I felt.
Diabetes is a weird and awful thing. When your blood sugar goes low you need to take in calories with sugar and protein to get your blood sugar up and keep it level which is what the protein does. At 28 I was in a panic with sweat dripping and started eating anything I could get my hands on. Instead of being calm about taking things in you end up being in a frenzy. Which meant by the time I went back to bed and the alarm came at 3AM I felt absolutely awful. The combination of feeling horrible and it pouring rain out was terminal for my running that day.
This post is about when epic fail is fail. That day was an epic fail because I felt crappy all day. This story only becomes a fail if I give up on the goal of trying to complete a half-marathon. I have started picking up my training in anticipation of completing my first half still. I am cross training and stretching. I am also working on testing my blood sugar more often so that I know where my body is.
In life there is always set back and fails. This is how we learn. Someone once said that it is not how many times you fall it is how many times you get back up that counts. I have a hard time with this as many people do but we need to look as failure as a learning and part of the whole process of life. But like the song says I am not giving up the fight.
