Lacey the itty bitty killer

So my company set us up with a personal trainer that comes twice a week for a core/foam roller class. For this is am really thankful because not every company would do this. We still have to pay a small price but it is next to nothing.  I go as often as I can.

Lacey is the personal trainer who comes to train/kill us.   She is super small and I thought she was in her early twenties when I first met her but she is in her late 30's. She is a level 3 personal trainer that owns her own gym. She is amazing at pushing us as far as we think we can go and then just a little more. She is motivational and hard at the same time.  The things she has us do are so elementary not usually any sort of special equipment used and most of the steps we already know.  There are some small changes to the Squats, lunges, push ups, crunches and other exercises she make us do.

After our hour with Lacy we are exhausted and can feel it the next day. There are typically the same four or five people in there and she seems to pick on everyone equally. It is kind of nice to have a few others in there with her. I however had at least one session with her alone. I really liked it because she worked me hard but also we concentrated on my specific areas of need. I also talked to her about my meds, my issues, my weight and she offered some insights for me. She is not just a trainer but she is also an RN which is super helpful because she understands the med piece that I talked to her about.

Once class we had we discussed nutrition in specific while we were working out. There were things she said that made a lot of sense.

I can't say that I am a ton stronger but I know I am somewhat stronger. I feel it every time I go and when I run too. They say that runners need to cross train and she and this class are perfect for my goals for next year. I also try to incorporate some of her training into my running routine. She gears things to what we do activity wise outside of the class. There is me and there is a guy who is a soccer player so things at times she says gear directly towards that.

I am really thankful for this class, my work offering it and Lacey the itty bitty killer.

Running and Me

I have always had friends that were amazing runners and never understood how they did it and enjoyed it.  A year ago I decided to try a race. I was not prepared and it took me a super long time. I thought at one point this 5k was going to kill me. When I finished I found that what I really felt was alive.

When that one didn't kill me I thought I could set a goal to do at least a few. I figured that a goal should be at least a few. As I got going I found I really enjoyed it. I finished 5 races last year. My last one was pretty emotional because it was a huge goal for me to accomplish.  One of my races was a 7k and I placed second in my age group. Ok there were only two of us in that age range but still it was kind of cool. The person I lost my age range to was a girl that came up to me and asked my name. When I looked at her I knew I that I knew who she was. Becky went to high school with me and had started running a year earlier.  It was great to reconnect with her and in the process her hubby who I also went to school with.

For me running is a very personal thing. It helps with stress and motivates me to push further. Many people say "I saw you out running and it inspired me to start again". I think this is nice but it isn't why I do it. I find that I love it and the runners high I get from it.  I will finish 7 races this year. I am hoping to one day run a half marathon and a RAGNAR. I know my limitations but I find they are less than even I thought they were. I love what running does for my body but even more what it does for my mind.

I find when I am really in the running mode I have to run at least every other day or I get grouchy. Something about being out there with just me and my IPOD is really nice. I am the one in charge of how far and where I want to go.  I am not saying it is for everyone but I really like it for me.

There is a very large running community out there. You can connect with them in many ways. I have connected with them through social media and other outlets. They are wonderfully supportive and offer advice when you ask. I have learned a lot since my first run but I still have more I would like to do. With a running community if you want that competition you can connect with it but if you just want support you have it too.

Family, friends and neighbors that run are great community also. I am blessed with great friends, neighbors and family that run and can give advice that is really helpful. They are also super supportive no matter how slow I am. Last year at my first race our neighbors met me along the way to cheer me on. These neighbors are super amazing runners, and even do triathlons so this was amazing to me and gave me a taste of what the real running community was about.

I originally wrote this on Friday afternoon. On Friday night I got an e-mail telling me that I was selected/invited to sign up for the Ogden half marathon. I am super excited and nervous as hell. It will be my first and It is totally a challenge for me mind, spirit, and body.

That moment when

I often get asked what was that one thing that got me to start doing better with my health.  I think they are looking for that one thing to help them start. I wish I could send them to a website or a book or a pill or something but that is just it; there is no one thing for everyone. Everyone has such personal reasons for their issues that there is no one thing that can motivate you to do what you are afraid of doing.  I am not even sure there is a one thing for me. I just knew it was time for me to stop sitting on the side lines of my life. I knew I wasn't happy with myself and I was sick all the time.

I often hear people say that "It is what it is." I am not sure what they mean but to me it means they feel like they have no options and they are OK with just what is going on in that situation. I hate this saying because I feel that if "it is what it is" than you still have some options. You can change your place in the situation or you can change your attitude about that situation. For me I wasn't OK with "it is what it is with my health or my diabetes. I decided that yes, I do have diabetes and that is how it is. But I don't have to let it run my life. I can do as much as I can to run it and not let my attitude get in my way.

I still have a way to go but as you can see I have accomplished much. I try to look back every so often at where I was and where I have come as a good boost to show me I can do it. At times I get discouraged or feel inadequate with myself. These are the times I remember one thing my youngest daughter (Chloe') told me. She once told me "If you tell yourself you can't mom, You never will.  I thought about it and now realize how right she is. Our negative self talk holds us up from trying things we can do.

The inside piece

I did say inside and out.  I like many others have had issues with self esteem and personal problems. These have bogged me down and made me feel inadequate as a person, mother, wife and friend. There have been really low periods of my life.

I am not sure when it started but at some period of time I decided yes I may have issues with self esteem but everyone does. I found that I decided I am awesome and can do anything I set my heart on doing. This is when things turned for me.

I started back at school to finish my degree. It is not really fun going back to school at 40. I am now pretty thankful I did it. I have three classes left until my degree is done.

I am not perfect and no one is I think that is why I am OK with me. Once I stopped being so critical of me or anyone else all the time I found I felt better about myself .

I have been told by many that I am inspiring to them. This makes me a little nervous to be someones inspiration. I really only want to worry about me and not inspiring others.  They always want to know who I did it aka what was my secret. There are no secrets, you just need to believe in yourself.

I still struggle with self esteem and other issues but as long as I struggle less and less than I consider that a victory.

The beginning of my story

I set up this blog primarily for me to journal my "Rebuilding". I have had some drastic changes in weight which I am still working on. I also have had some drastic changes in my attitude. They are all connected to each other I am sure however I am not sure which started when.

The most horrific day of my life was October 13, 2003. I went to the doctor with some issues I was having. My doctor took one quick test and said you have Diabetes.  I have family with diabetes and even lost an Uncle to the effects of the disease.  I went to the educators who scared the crap out of me. They had me more depressed than anything because of the negative attitude they gave with the training.

I went along my way doing what I wanted and taking my pills. I finally went to a specialist in 2009 who was amazing. Donna gave me ideas and told me things I had never even though of. She moved around my meds and gave me a new one that helped me lose weight.

This new doctor energized me and made me think I was going to be OK. That is when my mind took over. I started losing weight and feeling pretty good. Soon I had lost 60, than 70 and 80 pounds.  I am currently closer to 90 pounds down from my original weight. I knew there was more to it than eating better and less.

I have always had friends that run and I have always admired them. I finally decided to run my first race a 5k July 4th, 2011. When it didn't kill me I decided I could do more and set a goal of 5 last year. I finished my last one on Thanksgiving. It was pretty emotional  and also satisfying.

This blog is meant to be my journey as I rebuild my body, mind and soul.