For me I think there is a bit of Self- Sabotage going on. Self-Sabotage is when you have goals or something you want to do but instead spend all your time and effort trying to fail at that goal. The key for me or anyone is to find out why you are trying to sabotage yourself.
I was doing some research on this and found that according to an article I read from Mark Tyrrell there are 5 main reasons we sabotage ourselves. They are familiarity of failure, unconsciously need to be in control, Unworthy feelings, Bad habits, and need for excitement or what I call drama.
Most of these are self explanatory but being able to determine which one you may use or which ones you may use. Lets face it we all probably have more than one that we use at times. I think for me it is a combination of bad habits and feeling unworthy.
Like many other people I have faced self-esteem issues. I feel I am better now than in the past but it is something that I have to continue working on. I need to tell myself that I am worth being successful and having good things that can happen to me if I work for them. I have found that not many people can say they are completely happy with their self esteem. I have also found over the years the ones who you think are so self assured are the most insecure people.
I have had bad habits and still struggle with bad eating habits. It didn't get any better when I was diagnosed with diabetes. What should have started me controlling myself better made me worse. I was angry and unhappy that I was diagnosed. It wasn't fair but like they say in one of my favorite movies, Princess Bride "Life isn't fair, anyone who tells you it is, is selling something". I finally figured that I was the only one suffering from my stupidity. I have a better control of my diet but I still struggle. I eat too much junk food that I know I shouldn't be eating. Just because you are diagnosed with diabetes it does not stop you from craving that piece of chocolate cake or whatever it is you like (for me it may very well be chocolate cake).
I recently pulled my Achilles tendon running and training for my half marathon. I have a boot and can not run so I am going to use this time to do a couple of things to see if I can get on the right track and stop my self-sabotage.
First I am going to track it all basically observe myself without judgment or self loathing. I have an app on my phone where I am going to track my food and water intake. I am going to track my blood sugar at least two times a day. These are all things I suffer from. I know I am supposed to test my blood sugar but in my head (my self-sabotage) I think if I don't take my blood sugar I must be fine right?!?! Very wrong. I am also thinking that tracking my food and water intake will show where I can cut out and where I might want to add a healthy snack so I don't reach for junk food.
Michael talks in his article about "not throwing the baby out with the bath water"; I do this sometimes too as a self-sabotage. If I make one mistake I feel like I have messed up my entire diet so I might as well blow it good. This is something I have worked on but need to continue to work on. No one is perfect no matter what they say and when I have an epic fail moment I need to just get back to being good without the thought that I have blown it. I need to realized that I have a new opportunity the very next time I go to put something in my body or not put something in my body whatever the case may be. I think I just need to keep my eye focused on my goal. And really it isn't an end goal it is a journey.
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