How in the Hell did I get back here

I find myself back in a place I never wanted to be back at. I am feeling out of control, lazy and not really good about myself. All these feelings make me start thinking about what others think of me and worse than that actually caring. When I am exercising, running and eating right I worry more about what I think about me than others. 

When my girls were young I would era them the book ' You are special' by Max Luccado to help them learn that what God thinks of you is more important than what others think. In this book the little wooden people wemmicks go around giving each other grey dots and gold stars. If you are a pretty wemmicks or can do things you get stars. If you are plain or clumsy you get grey dots. These grey dots and gold stars represent people and their comments and thoughts about others. These have been weighing in me lately.

In the book there is a wemmick called Punchenello we only gets grey dots. Lately I have felt like I have only been getting grey dots. I feel like I have been giving myself some grey dots. These grey dots or comments and thoughts are really weighing me down and I let them they will drag me back to a place I never want to be again.

so what do I do about the dots. In the book Punchenello meets a sticker less Wemmick. He goes to see Eli his maker as the sticker less Wemmick tells him. Eli tells him he is special and he needs to worry more about what  he thinks then the Wemmicks who are just like him. He tells him to visit often until he is stronger. For me it is much the same. I got rid of my stickers for a while but then I let them come back stickers being insecurity and self doubt.

I am the one who can change the way I feel and look. Even though I didn't want to revisit these feelings and attitude I know I can pull out of it I have done it before. I only fail if I give up. Time for me to get rid of my stickers.